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Welcome to BangMarryKill.com


Here's how it works ladies and gentlemen: Check out the trio we've assembled for your viewing pleasure. It may be three lovely ladies, three dudes or one of our specialty trios. Then go through and pick one to bang, one keeper to marry and one annoying SOB to kill. It will be tough to pick based on who our trio of the day is, but then again, that's half the fun. Enjoy!

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK THE PICKS FOR A CLOSER VIEW!

-Bangmarrykill.com staff

Two chicks and Susan Ward


Sep 28 | Be the First to Comment.

Susan Ward was in Shallow Hal and some Poison Ivy sequel and…who really cares? She is obscenely hot and I found two girls to sacrifice to die in a poll so as to have an excuse to post her picture. Shallow Hal was a smart movie though, at least through the first 5 minutes where Hal’s dad says to just chase beauty or something. I shut the movie off after that because Tony Robbins scares me and Jason Alexander, while I loved him as George, doesn’t need spray on hair and a stump/tail thing to be unattractive. Jack Black ends up with the fatty with a heart of butter over Susan Ward???

As if Hollywood got together and said, ‘We always cast beautiful people in implausible situations and maybe we need to send a message to the kids out there that this isn’t what life is like. Maybe we need to make a stand and show the public that inner beauty is important too. Lets make an important picture that gets that message out there!’ Then somebody brought in the figures showing how much Twilight made and they all laughed and laughed as they lit their cigars with $100 bills and gave us Shallow Hal to get the message of inner beauty out there. (Yes, I realize that timeline is way off). The point is that Jack Black should have ended up with Susan Ward and Hollywood people suck. If I wanted to see the average guy get the wildly below average girl, I could recall half my summer.

~M

angela trimbur busy philipps Susan_Ward
Angela Trimbur Busy Philipps Susan Ward
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How do women not run the planet?


Sep 28 | Be the First to Comment.

I don’t get it. Being the wiseass witty and confident guy that I am, I’m fairly immune to doing what a girl says just because she is hot. That is of course a lie. If any of these chicks told me to run into oncoming traffic while wearing what they are in these pics, you’d probably mistake me for Usain Bolt. Why haven’t women parlayed this into global domination? Forget the hags that fill governments; If Kate Beckinsale dressed up in her Van Helsing outfit (only good to come from that abomination) and then told the president she wanted to be in charge, it’d be done in minutes. Kelly Kapowski could have been on the dollar bill if she wanted to. I’d punch a baby if Blake Lively asked it of me. The reason that women haven’t put it together yet? Because they have smaller brains. Now lets look at these pics and enjoy the status quo.

~M

kate-beckinsale christina derosa Tiffani_amber_Thiessen
Kate Beckinsale Christina Derosa Tiffani Amber Thiessen

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Women always list ’sense of humor’…


Sep 25 | Be the First to Comment.

jason_segel__1_ paul_rudd_98 seth_rogen_image
Jason Segel Paul Rudd Seth Rogen

…as being so damn important. Well put up or shut up. These guys are so damn funny I’d sleep with them if I wasn’t the quintessential heterosexual. Paul Rudd could tell me that an orphanage and a puppy factory (?) both just went up in flames and I would probably laugh. He’d be a sick bastard for delivering that news to a complete stranger in such a manner, but I’d forgive him. Observe and Report was one of the funniest movies I have ever seen and nobody even knows about it. Rogen would deserve an Oscar if the entire academy wasn’t so far up it’s own ass that the award is a joke. (Sean Penn is great. WE GET IT! Remember when epic films like the Godfather won? Now we see Shakespeare in Love beat Saving Private Ryan for best picture and Benicio Del Toro in Traffic beats Joaquin Phoenix in Gladiator for best supporting actor?? You have quite a set academy. Quiiite a set. Obviously those weren’t the most up to date references, but they still bug me.) Where the hell was I? Oh yea, Jason Segel is also hilarious and made Can’t Hardly Wait. So this poll is for the enjoyment of everyone I guess. I am one helluva guy.

~M

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Gisele gets the axe…


Sep 25 | Be the First to Comment.

gisele-bundchen-topless heidi-klum-sexy marisa-miller-hot
Gisele Bundchen Heidi Klum Marisa Miller

…at least with the other two in the poll. I mean I get that she is attractive, but the other two are 11’s and have hotter pics. Gisele wouldn’t care about being last anyway. She is focusing all of her attention on her new baby that she is having with Tom Brady. (If you have watched the Patriots lately, you’d see that Tom Brady’s attention is elsewhere too. Go Giants/Jets!) That kid is probably going to be so perfect it ends up being the anti-christ. Half Hall of Fame QB and half Victoria’s Secret Model? Calvin Klein already has the kid booked until he’s 25. If they keep it up, the photo on their Christmas cards is going to look like the cast of 300. How the hell did she end up with Tom Brady and Heidi Klum got Seal. That Kiss from a Rose song was good, but not Heidi Klum good. Come to think of it, who is looking after Marisa Miller?…I’ve got to go. Enjoy.

~M

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I should just quit after this one…


Sep 25 | Be the First to Comment.

charisma-carpenter-hot Monica_Bellucci sexy Scarlett-Johansson-sexy
Charisma Carpenter Monica Bellucci Scarlett Johansson

I am sorry to do this to you. These pictures are just unfair to you regular looking people. Imagine being the guy who got with these chicks right before they hit it big? Like the High School BMOC who was dating them and then cheated with some chick who is now working at the local nail shop. I guess he still wins because he got to have rough sex make sweet love to one of these beauties, but still. This poll was easy for me to vote on because I have had all three of them, but I can’t imagine how long it will take you people. Even if I was a chick I would deliberate over this for hours. I have to go call CC, I mean Charisma, but have fun choosing what you would do with these dames.

~M

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